Wal-Mart Manager Stages Robbery Gets Shot In Arm

Baltimore Sun – A former Wal-Mart assistant manager was indicted on federal charges that he took part in the staged robbery of $400,000 from his Laurel store in 2012, a plot that included having him shot in the arm.

Just another day in Wal-Mart. I’m shocked this hasn’t happened sooner. At the same time I’m shocked this even made to news. It is Wal-Mart. The breeding grounds of white trash. Do you ever want to experience the underbelly of America? Wal-Mart is your place. Do you need something at 3 in the morning and you don’t want to see anyone you know? Wal-Mart is your place. Are you depressed and feel a little extra ugly today? Go to Wal-Mart and you will be thanking God. 

I definitely know for a fact that no one even  paused while the robbery went down. 

“…loudly announced a robbery…”

Yeah I was definitely right, not a single person even thought something was wrong. It is Wal-Mart for Christ sake. The loyal customers of Wal-Mart are tough sons of bitches. Learned how to eat with no teeth since the age of five (or whenever the Mountain Dew and meth catches up with them). Learning how to use duct tape and WD-40… hold on I meant they have mastered duct tape and WD-40 for every use as possible. The tire fell off, duct tape it. The Mountain Dew isn’t opening, WD-40. Baby is coming out of Darl Joe’s Cousin Wife, duct tape the cooter. They may have no chance in life but they will go down with a drunk swing, hitting the cousin wife making her shit the three eyed baby (remember it is a sin if the tree splits), and the whole time Darl Joe hasn’t even dropped a single ounce of cigarette ash. When you experience the world through Darl Joe’s eyes a robbery won’t stop him at all. Someone done messed up if you mess up Darl Joe’s hour of peace before the family dresses in their Sunday best and head on over to the local Waffle House, or if Grandma gets her Social Security check at the same time as the family’s welfare check they can go to Applebee’s. 

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