Bengals Just Signed A CB With The Best Name Known To Man

You may ask what type of name would grant the title best name known to man. Well first off it has to be unique. Secondly the name his to be border line impossible to pronounce because the name is so unique that your brain freezes. Let me introduce to you Bene’ Benwikere. I would be completely okay with the Bengals just keeping him on the team just for the name. Bene’ Benwikere just rolls off your tongue, once you find out how to pronounce it.

I hope this guy becomes a star so we can hear Dan Hoard and Dave Lapham belt out his name when he makes an interception. Let’s be real here Hoard will say his name and Lapham will be screaming with excitement like always. Nothing screams Bengals football like Lapham shouting nonsense.

The only man that will love Bene’ more than Lap would be Jon Gruden. Just think about Gruden going on a rant about Benwikere. Word for word this is how it would go down.

“Bene’ Benwikere is a cool name man. It just reminds me of a player when I coached Tampa Bay, Ronde Barber. I thought Ronde had a cool name man but Bene’ tops that man. Hey Sean hold my mic *Gruden’s voice cuts out as the Adderall has officially worn off and puts on the notorious Chucky mask* Bene’ I’m coming for you man! The kids love Chucky man.”

That’s an instant Gruden classic and I don’t know if I should be happy that Gruden will love Bene’ Benwikere’s name or be anger that I have to listen to Gruden talk. Wait I forgot its ESPN so I would be watching Gruden talk while the Bengals game is going on. Remember ESPN is cutting edge and the announcers matter more than the game.

With or without an awesome name I do think this guy can play. If his name was Adam Jones, shit never mind. If his name was not Adam Jones or Bene’ Benwikere I believe the Bengals still would of signed him. The guy can play, if he is in the right position. In 2015 he was the slot corner for the Panthers, where he thrives at. He was good enough for profootballfocus.com to rate him the 17th best corner during the 2014 season, which was his rookie year. During the 2015 year he was rated the 50th best by profootballfocus.com that ended early from a broken leg. Benwikere’s downfall is he can’t play outside corner. Bene’ took over Josh Norman’s role in the Panther Defense and failed miserably, in turn being released from the team. The Dolphins picked him up and signed him onto the practice squad. The Packers did the same before the playoffs. We see two teams being aware of the productivity Bene’ can produce.

I don’t expect Benwikere to start at the slot corner position but to add depth to the position. Benwikere is the low man on the totem pole but with free agency and the questions at corner back (Adam Jones) he may be looked at to step up and serve a bigger role.

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