This world has officially gone to shit. No I am not going on another anti pc rant. I am talking about Skyline Chili, the fine Cincinnati establishment. Skyline was always a place where you could sit down and forget about life, eat some crackers, have an ice cold Pepsi (Tip: Ask for Coke then grunt when they say Pepsi, trust me they will switch one day), have a 3 way with extra chili, and a cheese coney with everything on it. Well Skyline fucked up and they fucked up real bad. THEY CHANGED THE FUCKING CRACKERS. Have they not heard of the term if it ain’t broken don’t fucking touch it? There was nothing wrong with the crackers at all, honestly they gave the chili a run for their money for the best part of the Skyline experience. Remember when they had the perfect amount of salt? The salt wasn’t even the best part in my book and my book it pretty damn important. There was the gap under the thin salted layer that created the perfect hot sauce bubble. My mouth is watering as I write about the old times.
As I said, old times. I am officially boycotting Skyline until they correct their mistake. I tweeted about my actions earlier today:
The Patriots had Deflategate, Nixon had Watergate, and Skyline has Crackergate. You must understand my love for Skyline runs deep. Generations deep. My Grandpa George set the precedence while the rest of the family was on vacation. Grandpa George was never a good cook nor would go the length of making himself dinner if Skyline was a 2 minute drive from his house. With the house all to himself he decided to eat at Skyline 3 times a day for a whole week. When I was told about this amazing story I turned around and asked my Grandpa what the experience was like he replied “It was beautiful, a dream come true!” Now you would thing his love for Skyline would peak at that very moment, you are wrong my friend. He would go to the evil Gold Star Chili once every year to make sure their chili was bad as usual. Of course like the little brother Gold Star is the chili tasted like shit. My Grandpa would get up and say, ‘Yep, bad as usual.’ Then would leave without paying a dime.
Before Skyline stabbed me in the back and changed the crackers I would go to the fine establishment at least once a week. But Skyline doesn’t care about a loyal customer like myself. Skyline, why would you do this to me? We were in such a steady relationship. Is it because of me? Did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough for you? Or maybe it was you, is there another customer? Do my opinions not count? You know what, you were just a waste of my time. Skyline I’m sorry about the last sentence I didn’t mean it that way. I am just so mad I didn’t even think about what I was saying. Whoa why am I saying sorry to you? You changed a main staple without even asking for my approval. Guess what I. Hate. It. Where is my old pal Skyline at? Its friend to friend, customer to restaurant. Lets just sit down like old times, you give me crackers, I order my usual 3 way with extra chili and a cheese coney with everything on it, with a large Pepsi or Dr. Pepper. BUT DON’T BRING THE NEW SHIT. I want the old you, Skyline. You
are were perfect just the way you are were. The right amount of salt and baked to perfection.
Seriously get your shit together. I am serious about this boycott, Skyline. Crackergate is legit as the Bengals never winning a playoff game under Marvin Lewis. Skyline I’m not highly disappointed. I’m pissed.
Former #1 Fan